I’ll be honest, when I first read Mason’s list I had to check my calendar, “Is it April already?” I thought to myself. Then I realized that he was actually serious about that and immediately started researching rehab facilities to put him in because if you think that list is accurate than you are clearly on several hallucinogens and need help. Claiming you like the Wild name because it reminds you of the logo and then bashing the Predators for basically the same isn’t just asinine, it’s a cry for help. Mason, we’re all here for you and admittance is the first step buddy.

Now here are some actual rankings.

- Nashville Predators -

They’re my favorite and this is done out of spite. Go to hell, Mason.

- Colorado Avalanche -

I’m a bit of a metal head so I think it’s pretty rad that the Avalanche have named themselves after a natural phenomenon that has a propensity to kill people. \\m// Rock on, Avs.

- Winnipeg Jets -

Planes are cool, it’s a little boring but oh well, plus it allows Nashville fans to make fun of two fanbases by doing the “J-E-T-S SUCK SUCK SUCK” chant!

- St. Louis Blues -

The Blues are an awesome genre and deserve better than this bland dumpster fire of a franchise. Though I guess naming your team after a genre based on sadness and depression has thoroughly set expectations for this fanbase.

- Dallas Stars -

They should have called themselves the Dallas Lone Stars, then at least they could have done something to give themselves an identity instead of stealing from Minnesota. Which, who steals from Minnesota? Minnesota has nothing worth stealing, it’s like robbing a truck full of bland vanilla paste, better known as Minnesota Fine Dining.

- Minnesota Wild -

The Wild? Wow. Nothing inspires fear like a bland adjective masquerading as a noun. A boring, insipid name for a boring, insipid team.

- Chicago Blackhawks -

They’re Mason’s favorite and this is done out of spite. Go to hell, Mason.

I’m very excited to see what horror show Mr. Masters comes up with next week.