A lot of things happen after "He shoots, he SCORES!!!" Hands fly up into the air, sometimes sticks and gloves follow. Thousands of strangers jump to their feet in unison and start to cheer, fist-pumping vigorously or high-fiving poorly. Then the theatrics hit. First the horn, each one slightly different for each team's barn. Then the signature song. Some teams do this important moment well while others need some work. Allow me to be both music critic and goal horn sommelier. It's time for Entirely Petty Rankings: Goal Celebration Edition. Toot Toot!!
1) The Nashville Predators
First, let's talk about that horn. It has this otherworldly ring to it, sort of like Godzilla's roar. I like it. What really makes this though are the song choices and yes, I said choices. First, we get a custom version of Tim McGraw's "I Like It, I Love It," which name-drops the team. This is very cool, despite the fact that it is a country song. The song is cut short and quickly followed up by a lyric-less "Gold On The Ceiling" that is apparently accompanied by a very long chant. So many chants, Y'all. I'll allow it this time.
(2 The Chicago Blackhawks
The brassy ring of this horn feels timeless, but the way the Fratellis' drums bleed into it after it goes off really enhances the sound. Classy horn, with a catchy song to celebrate the destruction of your enemies. Bonus points for annoying the entire league for the past decade without getting old in your hometown. DUHDUNADUNDUNHADUNDUNUHUNUNHADUN!!
3) The St. Louis Blues
Here's a team that knows their shtick. They have a classic horn, almost like a riverboat's horn (because of Duh) followed by an organ playing "When the Saints Come Marching In" (because of DUH). If I'm not mistaken I think they used to play Blur in the past. This is way better.
4) Colorado Avalanche
Each goal scored in Denver is met with a deep horn, loud enough to stir the souls of the hardy people who live in the mountains. It is a solid choice which is almost completely undone by a euro-dance version of that song you vaguely recognize from those GrubHub commercials. If they switched to that version of the song, Colorado would vault up this list. That song, it's so catchy... why am I suddenly hungry- nooo!
5) The Dallas Stars
The horn reminds me of buzzing bees, which I don't actually hate. The Pantera drums also help facilitate a frantic feeling but it all goes to hell when the fake crowd starts chanting DALLAS! STARS! DALLAS! STARS! I THINK! IT'S LAME!
6) The Minnesota Wild
This horn sounds like we're stuck in traffic with that one terrible guy who doesn't understand that honking his horn will not help him go faster. Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" is a great song but gets drowned out by the heavy traffic passing through the arena after every goal is scored. The song is also a little too light to ever get a hold of a crowd's attention. It's a good idea but doesn't play well in reality, kind of like the Wild.
7) The Winnipeg Jets
Ok, first of all, the Jets have a train horn when they should have an air-raid siren. That is a massive gaffe. Then on top of it, they have some knockoff Chelsea Dagger playing with Whoo! & Hey! instead of a drunken chant. If Patrik Laine is going to score as much as I think he will, they need to make this a whole lot better. Ground 'em.
So what do you guys think? Take a listen for yourselves and leave your rankings in the comments below. Big tip of the Hat to Famous Goal Horns for making these awesome videos which do a really good job capturing the feeling of being in the building when someone lights the lamp.